Chess? What woman has time to play chess?

So UKIP treasurer Stuart Wheeler thinks women are “nowhere near as good as men” at games like chess, bridge and poker.

Of course, following last week’s “Bongo Bongo land” comments, the media had a field day and Wheeler was forced to point out that what he actually meant was “there are some things men are better at than women, some things women are better at than men and we shouldn’t be imposing a minimum of either sex on the board”.

Okay, far be it from me to support the average racist, sexist, xenophobic member of UKIP, but the old git does have a point.

I have known very few women in my time who are better than men at chess, bridge and poker. But not because they are less intelligent but because most women (or certainly the women I know) aren’t terrible interested in playing games. In fact, I’d go so far as to say most women I know aren’t really interested in playing anything.

That’s not to say they don’t enjoy themselves. Have you ever watched a bunch of women on a night out? They just don’t see a lot of point in playing when there are so many more productive ways to spend their time.

While the boys are perfecting their poker face or working out if moving their Queen from d1 to h5 will be more effective than moving their Bishop from f1 to c4, the women are reconciling the bank statements, emptying the third lot of washing, taking an Open University degree course, turning last night’s leftover Bolognese into lasagne, checking little Jonny’s homework and making Tabitha an angel costume out of an old sheet.

What is this obsession our media has with questioning why women can’t or aren’t allowed to compete in the same arena as men? Why does nobody question why men aren’t measuring up to women? Can you imagine The Today Programme dragging some woman into the studio and demanding to know why men are being prevented from dominating the home?

So the world’s top chess players are men? Big deal. I prefer being a grown up. As do most of my female friends.

Would you get your own job if you applied for it again today?

It may be apocryphal but I once heard that everyone at Microsoft has to apply for his or her own job every year. It’s supposed to stop employees getting complacent and make sure that everyone stays ‘on top of their game’. From what I understand, everyone is on a sort of rolling contract and if they don’t get through the yearly interview, they’re out.

It’s not a policy that would attract me to a company, but I bet it gets Microsoft exactly the sort of people it wants to employ.

I started thinking about Microsoft again this week when I was shown the ad for my 'replacement'. I recently resigned from a part-time job I’d been doing for the best part of eight years. Granted, it had changed somewhat over those years but, on the whole, I was still doing a similar role to the one I’d ‘won’ back then.

On reading the ad, I couldn't help wondering how many of us are 'qualified’ to do our own jobs. If we had to apply for them again today,would we get them? We might be okay within the first, say, year to eighteen months, but how would we fair after a few years? Or, in my case, eight? The more I read the ad the more I realised that my chances were very slim indeed!

My employer is using my departure to get someone ‘better’. Someone with more e-marketing skills, someone who clearly understands acronyms (the ad was peppered with them) and someone who would do my job for a lot less than I was earning! Not only would I not get my own job, at that salary, I’m not sure I’d want it!

I remember years ago, a boss saying to me “you can never keep your best people”, which, in many ways, is true. By their very nature, the ‘best’ will always want to move on. But equally, while people leaving companies causes a hiccup, to begin with at least, it usually works out for the best for everyone. The former employee feels positive having made the ‘right decision’, ‘moved on’ and ‘grown’ in some way or other and the employer gets the chance to recruit a newer/younger/fresher/cheaper model.

That’s all well and good for the ambitious, but what about the people who are comfortable in the old job, those who do an okay job and sort of ‘coast’ along year after year? They might not need to go so far as applying for their own job every year, but it wouldn’t do them any harm to re-educate themselves every now and then and do a bit of self-promotion.

Right, where did I put the details on that ‘digital marketing social engagement customer touchpoint multi media platforms’ training course?

The 5 most common grammar mistakes – and how to avoid them!

Don’t get caught out by common grammar mistakes. Check the following and avoid embarrassment – and costly reprints.




1. It’s and its

It’s only every means it is. Its means belonging to it.
Examples: “I’m so glad it’s Friday”, “the company is out of touch with its customers”
How to remember?
Think of its like his, hers, yours, ours and theirs. You’d never stick an apostrophe in his or hers would you?

2. Complement and compliment

Complement means to complete or add to in a way that enhances or improves. Compliment means to praise or give without charge.
Examples: “Hollandaise sauce complements fish”, “we have a full complement of staff”, “pay someone a compliment”, “have it with my compliments”, “complimentary tickets”
How to remember?
Think of complement with an ‘e’ as ‘to complete’ – also with an ‘e’.

3. I and me

Use I before the verb; use me after the verb.
Examples: “John and I are going to the meeting with Bob” and “Bob is coming to the meeting with John and me.”
How to remember?
Take the other person’s name out. You’d never say “Me is going to the meeting with Bob” or “Bob is coming to the meeting with I”!

4. Passed and past

Past has loads of meanings; passed is only the past tense of pass.
Examples: “My house is just past the garage”, “we passed my house on the way”, “that was in the past”, “it’s almost half past five”, “he passed the ball past the goalkeeper”, “I want to run the report past him first”
How to remember?
Use passed when you’re talking about someone doing something. Use past for just about everything else!

5. Which and that

Use that when you are talking about a particular object. Use which when it’s just a bit of extra information.
Examples: “The house that has a green door is up for sale.” (Meaning that it’s not any old house up for sale, only the one with the green door) “The house, which has a green door, is up for sale.” (Meaning the house is up for sale and it just happens to have a green door)
How to remember?
Sorry, no magic tip for remembering this one. You just need to know that that determines what you’re talking about whereas which isn’t really important.

Who achieves most in the end?

It’s a perfectly pleasant Sunday afternoon (or rather it was when I started this blog post) in June and my husband is sitting up in bed listening to Radio 4 on BBC iPlayer. During the week, he had caught various snatches of ‘Music and the Brain’ with Robert Winston (or at least that’s what I think it’s called) and had been determined to listen to the whole series on Sunday. The Whole Series on Sunday.

So that’s what he’s doing. Just sitting up in bed on a Sunday afternoon for two hours listening to the radio.

Why do men (and I make no apologises for generalising here) find it so easy to do one thing (or even nothing at all) for so long while women feel compelled to use their time “wisely”?

If it were me listening to Robert Winston’s ‘Music and the Brain’, it would be on in the background as I transferred an overgrown perennial to the back of the flower bed, prepared dinner, kept an eye on the washing, tidied out the cutlery drawer, cleaned the front of the kitchen cabinets and ‘listened’ to my daughter on the phone.

Isn’t that the beauty of radio? Unlike TV, it doesn’t take up your full attention? You can “do stuff” as the omnibus edition of The Archers lilts away unobtrusively in the background.

Why then is he just sitting there listening? Listening, I ask you.

Of course, I know why. He feels no guilt in listening. He is enjoying listening. And he is actually listening. Listening and learning.

There will be a quiz night at some point in the future when he will know what four bars of music inspired some obscure author to rise out of his depression and write some slightly less obscure novel that was turned into the year’s biggest cinema box office success. Equally, he’ll know all the lyrics to a song that despite my hearing over 100 times can never remember more than the last line of the chorus. And he’ll be able to follow the plot of a really complicated film – and won’t even get annoyed when I repeatedly ask “what’s happening”.

More to the point, he will eventually return to his own music, do some more work on a song or recording he started earlier and maybe even put some of his newly acquired ‘Music and the Brain’ knowledge to good use.

I, on the other hand, will still have several more perennials to move, dinner will have created another pile of washing up and that blog post I’d promised myself I’d definitely write today will be just another fleeting and distant thought.

Or will it?

Where can I buy a 500 watt lightbulb?

I am sitting at my desk with an overhead light (fitted with four 50 watt halogen spotlights) and a desk lamp (with one of those 60-watt-equivalent, low-energy, honestly-you-will-get-used-to-it lightbulbs) and I'm still struggling to see.

Okay, I admit that my eyes are 'not as good as they used to be' and that I am wearing my glasses more often these days and that my computer screen is not the world's largest... However, I am absolutely certain (and I don't think I am alone here) that if we could still buy those classic, bayonet fitting, 100 watt, hang from the ceiling lightbulbs, we'd all be able to see a whole lot better!

I mean, I'm all for energy saving (especially when it leads to money saving) and 'mood' lighting (when I want to delude myself that my skin still has some natural collagen left in it) but come on, I would like to be able to take up the hem of my trousers without stabbing myself every few minutes or using three feet of cotton because it takes me ten minutes to thread the needle. There should be some some sort of EU legislation that says that the eye of a needle must be at least three times the dimension of a piece of thread!

Ooh, I sound so middle-aged. My 25 year-old-daughter doesn't seem to have any problems reading shampoo instructions or coping with the instructions at the self-service checkout. But if we're all going to live until we are 90, then those clever scientists/designers/entrepreneurs/gadget people are going to have to start catering for ageing eyes. Ageing eyes with DISPOSABLE INCOME.

My generation is going to be the first ever DEMANDING OAPs. We are not going to be content to sit in the corner with a paper hat and a glass of sherry at Christmas. We are not going to leave everything to the children and downsize into a two-bed bungalow. And we are most certainly not going to 'go gentle into that good night'. We are going to 'rage, rage against the dying of the light'! (Apologies to DT.)

So I repeat, does anyone know where I can buy a 500 watt lightbulb? Oh go on then, a low energy but just as bright 500 watt lightbulb?

Is it really only just over a month since Christmas?

Is it me or is January actually the longest month of the year - by a long shot!

Now don't get me wrong, as the rest of the year flies by in a torrent of 'we really must do lunch' and 'good God I can't believe it's Friday already' I actually don't mind January moving at a more realistic pace. I just wonder why.

It is, of course, a 31-day month, but so is March, May, July, August, October and December and none of those seem to drag on and on and on. And yes, it is dark for most of it, but there again so is December.

I suspect (and I don't think I am alone in this) it's because it's the month after Christmas. The month in which most of it have less than no money because we got paid ridiculously early in December and spent ridiculous amounts of money thereafter. The month in which the low after the Christmas high is so low that even a three-year-old on red Smarties and Coke can barely be bothered having a tantrum in Asda.

To make matters worse, I have no less than seven family members with birthdays in January, including my own dearest husband. Who, I ask you, has the energy and imagination to even think about another batch of presents for one's spouse, let alone afford to buy them! Couldn't there be a law against birthdays in January? Shouldn't all January births be forced to be registered in February?

So it is with gladdened heart that I welcome February into my life. Already, it's early evening before the sun starts to go down, little bulbs are poking their heads out of the frozen earth in my raised beds and friends are emerging from their nests muttering words of dinner parties, theatre visits and even Sunday afternoon walks.

Yes, now that February is here the world is a brighter, happier more optimistic place. One colleague at work the other day stated that it was less than 11 months to Christmas 2011. "Gosh, it will be on us in no time," I responded most heartedly. And I meant it.

I'm alive

Phew! It's still September. I've made it.

I've been trying to write a new blog for ages... well since my last one at the beginning of August actually. But I've also been trying to get my website live and that has kind of taken over. Let me just repeat that MY WEBSITE HAS TAKEN OVER.

Now that might not sound like much of a feat since there are literally billions of websites on the internet. But to a professional copywriter, having one's one own website is like a plumber with non-dripping taps, a landscape gardener with a patio and a mechanic with at least one car that actually starts in the morning.

So... having succeeded in this mammoth task, I am now the proud host of www.forrest-turner.co.uk, a website dedicated to me and my work. Yes, yes, it's terribly self-indulgent but it is kind of necessary these days - especially if one's title is Content Editor.

Of course, being online means I need to do all that clever Search Engine Optimisation stuff or the whole thing will be a total waste of time. I need to make content so the nosy little web spiders find my site and send googlers searching for a 'writer' or 'writing training courses' will find my site in the top seven and not seven billion searches.

Wonder how long it will be before anyone finds this little missive?