How to stop writing clichés

At the end of the day, what’s wrong with clichés? Why do critics squirm when they read about companies going from strength to strength? Why do editors put red pens through state of the art showrooms? And, more to the point, how do we avoid writing them? 

Clichés are victims of their own success.
The first time someone wrote about grabbing the bull by the horns, raising the bar and rising to the challenge, they summed up in just a few words what the rest of us had been slaving over for hours. Try finding an alternative to ‘win-win situation’ and you realise how both clever and dreadful the phrase is.

Clichés make writing easy.
We don’t need to bother interviewing the CEO for the introduction to the annual report. We don’t need to find ways to make the bad things sound better. We can just talk about going forward in tough economic conditions while focusing on core competences, strategic alliances and new opportunities.

Clichés are hollow, lazy and insincere.
Because we know that these stock phrases have been said thousands of times before, by thousands of companies, we simply don’t believe them anymore. We learn nothing about what the company is really doing. And we feel just a teensy bit aggrieved that we’ve wasted our precious time reading them.

Clichés should be replaced with details.
The way to avoid clichés is to ask yourself ‘what are we actually saying?’ What do we mean by going from strength to strength? Have we doubled our turnover? Appointed 25 new people? Opened new offices in Dubai? Cut overheads by 20%?

Clichés are shorter than truths.
What you won’t be able to do when you replace clichés with details is sum it up in three words or less. Explaining that you’re introducing a new quality control system that monitors every transaction, issues a weekly report and publishes the results online for everyone to see is going to take up a lot more space than saying you’ve raised the bar. But it does carry a lot more weight so to make space for your truths you have to cut all that bullshit at the beginning about difficult trading platforms, value added propositions and leveraging synergies.

How to write alternatives to clichés

The business is going from strength to strength.
Turnover has increased from £250,000 to £400,000 in less than 18 months.

We are leveraging our strategic alliances to deliver greater efficiencies.
We’re working with partners to make the most of what everyone has to offer and cut unnecessary costs.

Despite tough economic conditions, we have invested in a state of the art facilitation centre.
Despite low interest rates making it difficult to achieve predicted profits, we were able to fund a new service department.

Want to learn more about writing copy that engages the reader and achieves your objectives? Visit www.forrest-turner.co.uk.
 

5 copywriting tips especially for PR professionals

Google ‘copywriting tips’ and you’ll find hundreds of great blog posts and websites full of practical advice on ‘killer headlines’, ‘irresistible calls to action’ and ‘the 10 best ads of all time’. Which is great if you’re writing ad copy. Not so good when you’re a PR professional tasked with writing about the latest policy document or a stakeholder letter on new pension regulations.

So here are 5 writing tips inspired by great ad copy but focusing squarely on the documents PR and Comms professionals have to produce every day.

1. There’s no such thing as a stakeholder

It’s easy to presume that writing for a ‘serious’ audience (financial, political, academic, scientific, etc.) requires us to write in a serious tone of voice. While you need to treat both the subject and audience with respect, it’s worth remembering that even astrophysicists and cabinet ministers are people first and foremost.

Stop thinking of them as stakeholders and try to connect with them on a person to person level. Which of the following do you find more engaging?

Example 1
As an influential spokesperson on the future of biofuels, you are cordially invited to address the membership at the International Alternative Fuels Conference in Geneva on 26 October 2014.

Example 2
I recently attended the Royal Society and heard your fascinating talk on biofuels. Would you be interested in giving a similar talk at the International Alternative Fuels Conference in Geneva on 26 October 2014?

2. Don’t force feelings onto your reader

Finding an emotional connection with your reader is not the same as forcing your feelings onto them.
Phrases such as “you are no doubt aware”, “you will understand the need for” and “you are probably worried about” can work well if you are certain your readers feel the same way you do.

If they don’t, you run the risk of alienating them or preaching the obvious. That’s why copywriters are fond of the ‘what if’ scenario.

Example 1
As you want to influence the key decision makers in the Alternative Fuels industry, you should consider presenting a paper at this year’s conference.  

Example 2
What if you could reach 25 top decision makers in one afternoon? Presenting a paper at the Alternative Fuels Conference puts you in front of leading influencers from all sides of the industry. 
 
3. More verbs, fewer adjectives

I have a client who likes to stick the word ‘exciting’ in front of every noun. We never launch new products or projects; they’re always ‘exciting’ new products and projects. But something doesn’t become ‘exciting’ (or ‘revolutionary’, ‘amazing’ or ‘thrilling’) just because you’ve put an adjective in front of it.

Verbs, on the other hand, tell you what something DOES. And telling your reader what that something can DO for them is far more persuasive than a list of adjectives.

Example 1
The new XYZ software is fast, intelligent and insightful.

Example 2
The new XYZ software transfers your data at 100,000 terabytes per second, auto-deletes duplicate files and predicts potential conflicts of interest based on your previous operations.

4. Announcements are boring; bad news intrigues
It’s a brave PR professional who sends out a press release announcing that their organisation didn’t win an award. But if they did, it would get more notice than the one announcing success.

Data error analysis company Takipi researched a load of blog posts and found that the ones including the words ‘announcing’, ‘wins’, ‘celebrates’ or ‘grows’ were are the bottom of the most-shared lists. Those using the word ‘lose’ on the other hand usually landed a post in the top half.

So how does the PR professional take advantage of human nature’s interest in bad stuff while still maintaining a positive image? Easy. Tell a story.

Example 1
ABC Trust is proud to announce that it has been awarded Health Trust of the Year at the 2014 Healthcare Awards.

Example 2
Failing to make it into the top 10 UK healthcare trusts for three consecutive years is not something most directors relish. So why did the board of ABC Trust deliberately keep the organisation out of the limelight?

5. Leave them wanting more

While PR professionals can write a 500 word press release in 30 minutes, ad copywriters will spend days, weeks or even months labouring over a five word headline. But that headline will grab attention and deliver the message in nanoseconds.

With all of us bombarded by information 24 hours a day, PR professionals need to find the right balance between making enough noise to be noticed but not so much that you overwhelm your audience.

Social and digital media has made it possible to drip feed information in bite size chunks. So the next time you’re tempting to send a stakeholder a 10 page policy review, consider starting with a top line summary and OFFER more information (in an easily accessible format) if they want it.

Get more writing tips on my website or my Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn pages.

http://www.forrest-turner.co.uk/
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https://twitter.com/LorraineForrest/media
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Seven great ways to start an article

We’ve all been there. We need to write that important 500 word article before the end of the day. We have reams of notes, pages of technical info and stacks of truly amazing benefits. If only we could get the blasted thing started!

For most writers, getting beyond the blank screen (or constantly deleting the clichéd, boring or irrelevant openings) is the hardest part of writing an article. Once they’re up and running, all those product features, mind-blowing stats and glowing testimonials seem to just fall into place.

So here are seven ways to start an article. They give you a lead in, a hook, an idea that you can hang everything else from. Every opening won’t suit every subject, but there should be something here to inspire even the worst case of writer’s block.

Oh, and in case anyone is considering law suits, the following ‘facts’ are for illustrative purposes only.

Topical
In a week in which Luis Squarez has been fined £66,000 and banned from football-related activities for four months, a new government white paper looks at the correlation between punishment and behaviour.

Historical/anniversary
In 1954, BMW launched the ‘Dynamic’, its first electric car. Exactly 60 years later, the stunning new BMW i8 shows just how far electric engineering has come.

Anecdotal
Although I broke two ribs and busted my ankle, whenever I tell anyone I was thrown out of, and then run over by, a golf buggy, I am greeted with peals of laughter. Corporate hospitality events really shouldn’t be left up to amateurs.

Survey/statistics
Men are four times more likely to lie than women, and the average person tells at least three lies a day, according to research by Royal Holloway. Is this a worrying thought for those charged with recruiting new employees?

Unconventional/surprise
His CV is full of typos, he hasn’t held down a decent job in years and he refuses to start work before 10.00am. Meet the new chairman of XYZ plc.

Hypothetical
If you could run a fleet of trucks on used chip fat, an air conditioning system on recycled polystyrene cups and a pizza oven on old beer bottle tops, would you be prepared to hike your prices up by over 100% to meet the costs? While businesses talk of green energy, few companies are prepared to switch if it means losing sales. 

Shared problem
We’ve all been there. We need to write that important 500 word article before the end of the day. We have reams of notes, pages of technical info and stacks of truly amazing benefits. If only we could get the blasted thing started!

See what I did there?

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Why Cameron and Suarez need to learn to say “won’t” rather than “can’t”

In a week in which David Cameron has been rebuked by Mr Justice Saunders for talking about Andy Coulson before the trial had ended and Luis Suarez is condemned for allegedly biting Giorgio Chiellini, I’m reminded of the benefits of saying “won’t” rather than “can’t”.

Years ago, while studying communication skills, I learnt something that I’d always known but had never really considered. When we say we “can’t” do something we rarely mean that it’s physically impossible. We generally mean we could do it but we’d prefer not to.

Most of us, at one time or other, have said “I’m so sorry, I can’t come to your party/leaving do/meeting/etc” when what we actually mean is “I don’t want to come to your party/leaving do/meeting/etc”. “Can’t” is great get out. It implies that we want to do something but we are simply unable to. Few people question it and we generally get away without appearing rude or having to make an effort.

But what happens if someone does question it? What if the host says: “Oh dear, that’s a shame, why not?” We usually find ourselves making up excuses, or white lies as we like to call them. Fine if the person we are ‘white-lying’ to accepts our reasons, but woe betide the excuse-maker faced with the Jeremy Paxmans of this world.

Okay, so David Cameron wanted to calm a potential political storm and do that thing that everyone in power does – acknowledge responsibility without actually taking it. But he would have avoided the reprimand, and gained a modicum of respect, if after Andy Coulson was found guilty of conspiring to hack phones he had simply said: “I won’t be making any comments until the trial is over.”

Equally, Suarez would do well to stop hiding behind the “I can’t help it; it’s a bad habit” thing and adopt the “I won’t do it again” mantra.

By declaring “I won’t do something” means that you have made a commitment to change. It means that you’ll find the will to make it happen. “I can’t do something” means you’ve given up even trying.

In my time management and assertiveness workshops, I encourage participants to use “won’t” rather than “can’t” when they are negotiating. “I won’t do this task today; I will do it by the end of the week” is far more powerful than “I can’t do it today” and far more effective.

To find out how communication skills training can help you manage personal behaviour, please visit www.bigfishtraining.com.

 

 

How much do copywriters charge?

How much would you charge to write a website/ brochure/ press release/ blog post/ advert/ article (delete as required)? It’s the question every copywriter dreads and the answer every client wants to know.

So you’d think by now copywriters would stop answering “well, it depends…”

Yes, it does depend on a whole load of stuff - like what’s the subject, who’s the target audience, how many words are needed, how much the writer knows already, is there an R in the month and would you eat bacon when it goes a bit green and shiny?

The point is while there’s not a Recommend Retail Price one can look up, any writer worth his stripes should be able to give a ballpark figure based on previous experience.

For example, it is extremely unlikely that a copywriter would charge £10,000 to write the About Us section of a website. It is equally unlikely he/she would charge £10. So while there are a lot of numbers between 10,000 and 10, you can immediately see that the writer HAS an idea of how much the job will cost.

That idea is generally based on his/her hourly or daily rate AND how long he/she expects the job to take.  Note the use of capital letters on the word AND because the daily rate alone tells you absolutely nothing.

One writer can quote you £350 a day, another £500 and a third £1,000. If you opt for the cheapest and it takes the writer a week because he/she needed to read your entire website plus all of your technical data sheets and product brochures, and then interview your product manager, marketing manager and receptionist in order to write the damned thing, it makes a complete mockery of the ‘reasonable’ daily rate.

If copywriters can’t give a rough estimate for the whole job, then they haven’t been in the business as long as they say they have. Yes, the job might be more complicated than originally thought (I’ve NEVER done a job that’s been LESS complicated) and yes the information won’t be available when needed, or in the right format, but none of these things should come as a surprise. Good copywriters know to allow for delays/problems/additional work in their estimate.

 

So… here’s my advice:

• Ask for their daily/hourly rate but insist they give you an estimate for the whole job based on how long they think it will take
• Ask for examples of previous work they’ve done and how much those jobs cost – e.g. the cost of producing three 500 word newsletter articles (from eight telephone interviews with six people) was £1,800  
• Get the quote in writing and make sure it covers how and when payment is to be made - you don't want to pay upfront only to receive something that sounds like it's been written by an 11 year old or a language student (or an 11 year old language student)
• Do expect to pay more for fewer words – yes it sounds bizarre but it’s a lot easier to bash out 500 words on a subject you’re passionate about than it is to come up with one decent headline that stops people in their tracks and makes them do exactly what you wanted them to do

If you would like me to quote you for a job (and give you a realistic ballpark figure based on experience) Get In Touch or email me on lorraine@forrest-turner.co.uk.

Happy 450th birthday, Will!

If you've ever wondered why we still teach Shakespeare in schools...

"If you cannot understand my argument, and declare ``It's Greek to me'', you are quoting Shakespeare; if you claim to be more sinned against than sinning, you are quoting Shakespeare; if you recall your salad days, you are quoting Shakespeare; if you act more in sorrow than in anger; if your wish is farther to the thought; if your lost property has vanished into thin air, you are quoting Shakespeare; if you have ever refused to budge an inch or suffered from green-eyed jealousy, if you have played fast and loose, if you have been tongue-tied, a tower of strength, hoodwinked or in a pickle, if you have knitted your brows, made a virtue of necessity, insisted on fair play, slept not one wink, stood on ceremony, danced attendance (on your lord and master), laughed yourself into stitches, had short shrift, cold comfort or too much of a good thing, if you have seen better days or lived in a fool's paradise -why, be that as it may, the more fool you , for it is a foregone conclusion that you are (as good luck would have it) quoting Shakespeare; if you think it is early days and clear out bag and baggage, if you think it is high time and that that is the long and short of it, if you believe that the game is up and that truth will out even if it involves your own flesh and blood, if you lie low till the crack of doom because you suspect foul play, if you have your teeth set on edge (at one fell swoop) without rhyme or reason, then - to give the devil his due - if the truth were known (for surely you have a tongue in your head) you are quoting Shakespeare; even if you bid me good riddance and send me packing, if you wish I was dead as a door-nail, if you think I am an eyesore, a laughing stock, the devil incarnate, a stony-hearted villain, bloody-minded or a blinking idiot, then - by Jove! O Lord! Tut tut! For goodness' sake! What the dickens! But me no buts! - it is all one to me, for you are quoting Shakespeare."

Bernard Levin

Why 'to do' lists don't work... as well as 'done' lists

I’m a very sad person. I love ticking things off my ‘to do’ list. I love it so much that I actually add things to my list after I’ve done them just so I can tick them off.

It turns out that I’m not alone in this self reward behaviour. There’s something in the satisfaction of ticking things off (or, in my case, putting a wavy line through) that makes us feel in control of our workloads and good about our achievements.

Whether we use pen and paper, Microsoft Outlook, our iPhone or something like Todoist, everyone loves a good ‘to do’ list.

However, what happens on those days/weeks when we’re so busy we not only DON’T tick things off our lists, we keep adding to them? What do we when we feel completely overwhelmed by the ever-growing lists of tasks, chores and responsibilities?

Answer – write a ‘done’ list! 

Seriously.

It might sound like a waste of time, but ‘done’ lists give us an enormous sense of achievement. And that sense of achievement is what drives us on to (eventually) work through our responsibilities.

I discovered the benefits of the ‘done’ list when I was going through a particularly busy period in my life. I found the sheer amount of work overwhelming and the dissatisfaction of never completing my ‘to do’ lists utterly frustrating. Worse still, I was losing sleep, getting depressed and becoming more and more inefficient.

So one night I decided to write down all the things I had done that day – rather than focus on all the things that I hadn’t. It was enlightening. Yes, I hadn’t written my blog post but I had written damned good sales letters for BMW, MINI and Mazda. I hadn’t called everyone I was supposed to have called, but the people I did call were the ones who would have the greatest impact on the projects I was working on. 

The result was a feeling of great satisfaction, a more positive attitude to the next day’s jobs – and a decent night’s sleep, to boot.

If, like me, you judge your productivity by how many items you’ve ticked off your ‘to do’ list, it goes without saying that you feel a bit of a failure when it just keeps growing. So don’t abandon them altogether, just take a few moments (and it does only take a few moments) to scribble down everything you’ve achieved that day, or better still, that week. You’ll be amazed at just how productive you are. 

Yes, that’s definitely what he said… at least I think that’s what he said.

So you’re in an important meeting and you’re doing all your rapport-building stuff, maintaining good eye contact, listening actively and waiting for the opportune moment to offer up your point of view. Two hours later, ‘who said what to whom’ starts to become a vague recollection and by the end of the week you’re post-rationalising the whole thing in your favour.  

The trouble with good old verbal communication is while it’s great for building relationships it’s pretty hopeless for remembering detail.

Some years ago, I read (or heard) something that made a big impression on me. “We often forget what someone looked like, we sometimes forget what they said, but we never forget how they made us feel.” Isn’t that so true? Think back to when you met someone for the first time. Any idea what they were wearing? Or what you talked about? But I bet you remember if you liked them or not.

We humans are still animals and we’re conditioned to behave in a certain way with other human animals. Our natural instinct is to want to mate, fight or play (think dogs) and remembering ‘detail’ sort of gets in the way of all that. So when we go into the doctor’s surgery determined to find out exactly why we’re not sleeping/eating/concentrating/getting rid of waste as well as we once did, we listen, nod, smile and leave, remembering only our version of events. Too polite, too busy or too embarrassed to write down the doctor’s actual diagnosis, we remember certain bits only, usually the ones we’re already familiar with.

We’d be far better off dispensing with some of the niceties and doing some proper two-way communication. That means being prepared to admit that we’re not quite so knowledgeable on certain subjects and saying, “sorry, would you mind explaining that again.” It also means losing eye contact briefly while you jot down a few notes. Nobody is going to think you terribly rude if you say, “sorry, I’d just like to write this down so I have a clear understanding of what you’re saying.” In fact, they’re probably going to feel flattered that you’re taking what they’re saying so seriously.

So the next time you’re having an important conversation, stop trying to be so nice and concentrate on its purpose. Words spoken are words lost if no-one ever remembers them.

If your dog does a poo, please put it in a bin.

Have you ever wondered why we often meet people we recognise but can’t figure out who they are? Sometimes it’s even people we know pretty well, but we still can’t remember how we know them. I call it the ‘out of context syndrome’.

We tend to associate people we know with certain situations so when we see our doctor in the supermarket, or our postman in the pub, we say hello but we can’t always place the face and it bugs us all day until we eventually remember.

Context plays an enormous role in communications, and woe betide the communicator who gets it wrong.

Take my headline. We know it doesn’t mean put the dog in the bin, but it’s a great example of context. We know we’re meant to pick up dog mess so we instantly understand the message. We also know that “Caution Animals Drive Slow” doesn’t mean that animals are slow drivers, but it still makes me smile every time I see signs like this.

The Oxford English Dictionary describes context as “the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement or idea; the parts that immediately precede and follow a word or passage and clarify its meaning.”

The much used, but rarely recognised, ‘dangling modifier’ can provide a highly amusing lack of clarity. Dangling modifiers (often referred to as hanging or dangling participles) are sentences where the second part of the sentence doesn’t refer to the subject in the first part. Humorous examples include:

• Fresh from the oven and smothered in butter, my husband loved my homemade bread.
• On entering the surgery, the skeleton immediately caught my eye.
• If found guilty, the FA could fine the players and the club.

Fortunately, our common sense tells us what poor writing doesn’t!

Unfortunately, out of context doesn’t always make you smile.

I once attended an automotive awards dinner where the guest speaker (a popular national TV news reader) told several jokes about second-hand car salesmen and sheepskin coats. Not only did nobody laugh, but with each new ill-advised quip, we grew more and more irritated. Humour relies on context big time.

So the next time you’re editing a piece of writing, just imagine your intended audience hearing or reading your words from their point of view. Do those words that you so clearly understood/enjoyed really make sense/entertain out of context?

 

10 ways to beat writer's block

Even the best of writers experience writer’s block from time to time when they cannot think of anything to write – or they ditch what they have written believing it to be ‘rubbish’. So here are ten ways that could help you beat the dreaded ailment.

1. Find the root of the problem – lack of information, bored with the subject, no new ideas and lost confidence through over criticism are just some of the common causes – you need to establish yours before you can start to tackle it

2. Stop trying to write the piece that’s troubling you and write something else – even if it’s only an email to a friend moaning about not being able to write!

3. Keep a writing diary and learn from it – note what happened in the lead up to the good days, when the words seem to tumble out by themselves, and the bad days, when everything was a struggle
4. Imagine you’re talking to a friend or relative and tell them (out loud if you’re alone or don’t mind being seen talking to yourself in public) what the piece is about – use your own natural spoken words – do not try to ‘sound good’

5. Force yourself to write something (anything) every day – it’s the habit of writing, not the quality, that’s important – the quality will come afterwards in the editing process

6. Recognise the difference between drafting and editing – the first draft is not supposed to be good – think of it as the brain dump only

7. Come at the story/brochure/email/web page/briefing document from a different angle – stop trying to write it from the client’s/organisation’s/hero’s point of view and write it from the customer/employee/villain’s point of view

8. Ask lots and lots of questions – don’t settle for the answers to ‘who, what, where and when’ – the most interesting stuff comes from asking ‘why’ and ‘how’ – for most business communications you need to know “why would my readers be interested in this?”

9. Use fairy tales or read ‘The Seven Basic Plots: Why We Tell Stories’ by Christopher Booker to see if what you’re writing about can be adapted to incorporate the theme or storyline of one of the classic plots

10. Give yourself a break – it is the clichéd answer but that’s because it works – trying too hard or beating yourself up inhibits creativity so give yourself permission not to write – do something different, ideally something mind-numbingly dull, and let the subconscious take over – only be careful not to let this become a habit or you’ll then be dealing with procrastination instead!

Stand up for what you believe in

I’d like to think that I’m relatively open-minded and willing to embrace change in business (you can feel a ‘but’ coming on, can’t you?) but there is one old rule I refuse to bend on – I insist on standing up when presenting. Sitting down might feel more comfortable but effective presenting isn’t about feeling comfortable; it’s about persuading a group of people to agree with you. And if you’re not prepared to stand up for what you believe, why should anyone else?

First off, let me say there are times when sitting down round a table is not just a good thing it’s the only thing to do. Sitting down with a group of people, discussing, listening, negotiating is absolutely right and proper when an open and honest discussion is called for and when everyone’s opinion is valid. Sitting down together both figuratively and metaphorically is a vital part of communications. It shows (or rather it should) that final decisions have not yet been made and that everyone has the opportunity to have their views heard.

However, presenting is a different kettle of fish altogether.

Presenting is your chance to achieve an objective, impart an important message and bring your audience ‘on board’. And whether that’s a new business pitch, a launch to the media or reporting back to clients or colleagues on the success of a campaign, standing up gives your presentation the gravitas you simply cannot achieve sitting down.

A number of things happen when we stand up. Unless your audience are all standing too, standing up immediately makes you taller than everyone else so you stand out and get noticed. You command attention. If you are addressing an audience who are already standing, raise yourself up on a stage, a platform or even a table or a chair if you have to. It does make a difference.

Secondly, your posture changes. Most people tend to slump a little (or a lot) when they sit. While it is possible to stand with your head bowed and your shoulders forward, standing generally pulls your shoulders back, your tummy in and chest out. Whether we’re a body language expert or not most of us recognise the standing posture as being one of awareness, assertiveness and a readiness to act. Sitting down is simply too relaxed.

Thirdly, standing improves your breathing and therefore your voice. Your chest expands when standing, allowing you to take in more air, which helps make your voice deeper and louder. Deeper, louder voices sound more confident that higher softer ones so you command even more attention.

Also, standing makes you more self-aware. That slight (or, in some cases, extreme!) nervousness we feel when we stand up to talk is exactly what we need at that time. That extra adrenaline rush gives you the energy you need to deal with being out of your comfort zone. So don’t see nerves as a bad thing. It is those nerves that keep you focussed on what you’re doing. If speakers are too relaxed they can find themselves saying something they wished they hadn’t!

So the next time you’re in a meeting and you want to make an important point, stand up. Take control. You won’t just look and sound more convincing you’ll be giving out a very clear message: “I believe in what I’m saying. You should too.”

7 phrases that make you look like an amateur

 

The internet has turned us all into publishers. Sadly, it has also made too many of us think we're copywriters. Just because you CAN put your own content up on the web doesn't mean you should!

Ideally, unless you are a gifted communicator, get your content produced by a professional who knows how to promote your product and services without sounding as if they're writing a primary school essay.

However, if you must do your own, here are seven phrases you should NEVER use.

1. “We are committed to excellence.” As opposed to what? Mediocrity? Don’t make claims that anyone can say - or that you can’t substantiate. 


2. “Perfect for adults and children alike.” Why alike? If you’re goods are perfect for different audiences, just say who those audiences are. “Alike” adds nothing. As do “basically”, “very”, “rather” and “lots”.


3. “At your earliest convenience.” Makes you sound as if you’re still living in Dickensian times. “As soon as you can” is friendlier. Better still, give the date you need something by.


4. “Non-gravitational erasable writing implement.” Don’t try to sound smart. It’s not big and it’s not clever. If you sell pencils, call them pencils. Also second-hand cars are not “previously-enjoyed vehicles”, redundancy is not “skill mix adjustment” and failure is not “deferred success”


5. “But don’t take our word for it.” Then why say it? Not only is this contradictory, it’s also well overused. Clichés become clichés because they WERE good phrases – when they were original. Now, they just make you sound insincere.


6. “Revolutionary new service.”  Really? Your new service is going to start a revolution? Your customers are not as gullible as you think. Stay clear of words like “exciting”, “dynamic”, “ground-breaking” and “innovative”. Everyone claims them. Few deliver.


7. “Do not hesitate to contact us.” Negative, patronising and so old school. Get with the 21^st century and say “call us any time” or “drop us a line”.

Who are these writers prepared to work for 1p per word?

One of my colleagues has become a fan of Copify, the ‘word mill’ that charges clients £14 per article and pays the writer £3, if he/she’s lucky.

He uses Copify to produce (mediocre) blog posts and copy for company websites. He’s a lovely guy but I wish he’d stop.

As a professional writer, I’ve been bleating on about “turkeys voting for Christmas” ever since I came across these ridiculously low paid writing services a couple of years ago. Why would any professional writer work for 1p per word? It’s not as if you even get a by-line. You’d be better off stacking shelves at Asda. At least you get your name on a badge.

Looking at some of the Copify writers’ profiles (beauticians, engineers, poets and service desk managers – whatever that is) I can see that ‘being a writer’ is high on their agenda and the chance of being paid to write (albeit for a measly 1p per word) probably makes them feel good about themselves. But it won’t help them become worthy professional writers. Unless they see it as an almost-free training course with virtually no feedback from their ‘tutor’.

When I started out 30 years ago, I wrote for free, I wrote for pennies but I always wrote with the big picture in mind. The free stuff carried my by-line, the low-paid stuff got my foot in the door (and free meals when I wrote ‘wine and dine’ features) and everything went into my expanding portfolio that led me onto bigger and, yes you’ve guessed it, better paid things.

There are numerous blog and social media posts from professionals who feel as I do, most of whom putting their points across far more succinctly and memorably than me – so I won’t say much more. (I’m being paid zilch to write this.)

Only I really do want to know, who are these writers? If you are one, were one or are thinking of being one, I’d love to hear from you. Then I’ll tell you all about the turkeys…

 

(Image courtesy of Mystic Arts.)

Chess? What woman has time to play chess?

So UKIP treasurer Stuart Wheeler thinks women are “nowhere near as good as men” at games like chess, bridge and poker.

Of course, following last week’s “Bongo Bongo land” comments, the media had a field day and Wheeler was forced to point out that what he actually meant was “there are some things men are better at than women, some things women are better at than men and we shouldn’t be imposing a minimum of either sex on the board”.

Okay, far be it from me to support the average racist, sexist, xenophobic member of UKIP, but the old git does have a point.

I have known very few women in my time who are better than men at chess, bridge and poker. But not because they are less intelligent but because most women (or certainly the women I know) aren’t terrible interested in playing games. In fact, I’d go so far as to say most women I know aren’t really interested in playing anything.

That’s not to say they don’t enjoy themselves. Have you ever watched a bunch of women on a night out? They just don’t see a lot of point in playing when there are so many more productive ways to spend their time.

While the boys are perfecting their poker face or working out if moving their Queen from d1 to h5 will be more effective than moving their Bishop from f1 to c4, the women are reconciling the bank statements, emptying the third lot of washing, taking an Open University degree course, turning last night’s leftover Bolognese into lasagne, checking little Jonny’s homework and making Tabitha an angel costume out of an old sheet.

What is this obsession our media has with questioning why women can’t or aren’t allowed to compete in the same arena as men? Why does nobody question why men aren’t measuring up to women? Can you imagine The Today Programme dragging some woman into the studio and demanding to know why men are being prevented from dominating the home?

So the world’s top chess players are men? Big deal. I prefer being a grown up. As do most of my female friends.

Would you get your own job if you applied for it again today?

It may be apocryphal but I once heard that everyone at Microsoft has to apply for his or her own job every year. It’s supposed to stop employees getting complacent and make sure that everyone stays ‘on top of their game’. From what I understand, everyone is on a sort of rolling contract and if they don’t get through the yearly interview, they’re out.

It’s not a policy that would attract me to a company, but I bet it gets Microsoft exactly the sort of people it wants to employ.

I started thinking about Microsoft again this week when I was shown the ad for my 'replacement'. I recently resigned from a part-time job I’d been doing for the best part of eight years. Granted, it had changed somewhat over those years but, on the whole, I was still doing a similar role to the one I’d ‘won’ back then.

On reading the ad, I couldn't help wondering how many of us are 'qualified’ to do our own jobs. If we had to apply for them again today,would we get them? We might be okay within the first, say, year to eighteen months, but how would we fair after a few years? Or, in my case, eight? The more I read the ad the more I realised that my chances were very slim indeed!

My employer is using my departure to get someone ‘better’. Someone with more e-marketing skills, someone who clearly understands acronyms (the ad was peppered with them) and someone who would do my job for a lot less than I was earning! Not only would I not get my own job, at that salary, I’m not sure I’d want it!

I remember years ago, a boss saying to me “you can never keep your best people”, which, in many ways, is true. By their very nature, the ‘best’ will always want to move on. But equally, while people leaving companies causes a hiccup, to begin with at least, it usually works out for the best for everyone. The former employee feels positive having made the ‘right decision’, ‘moved on’ and ‘grown’ in some way or other and the employer gets the chance to recruit a newer/younger/fresher/cheaper model.

That’s all well and good for the ambitious, but what about the people who are comfortable in the old job, those who do an okay job and sort of ‘coast’ along year after year? They might not need to go so far as applying for their own job every year, but it wouldn’t do them any harm to re-educate themselves every now and then and do a bit of self-promotion.

Right, where did I put the details on that ‘digital marketing social engagement customer touchpoint multi media platforms’ training course?

The 5 most common grammar mistakes – and how to avoid them!

Don’t get caught out by common grammar mistakes. Check the following and avoid embarrassment – and costly reprints.




1. It’s and its

It’s only every means it is. Its means belonging to it.
Examples: “I’m so glad it’s Friday”, “the company is out of touch with its customers”
How to remember?
Think of its like his, hers, yours, ours and theirs. You’d never stick an apostrophe in his or hers would you?

2. Complement and compliment

Complement means to complete or add to in a way that enhances or improves. Compliment means to praise or give without charge.
Examples: “Hollandaise sauce complements fish”, “we have a full complement of staff”, “pay someone a compliment”, “have it with my compliments”, “complimentary tickets”
How to remember?
Think of complement with an ‘e’ as ‘to complete’ – also with an ‘e’.

3. I and me

Use I before the verb; use me after the verb.
Examples: “John and I are going to the meeting with Bob” and “Bob is coming to the meeting with John and me.”
How to remember?
Take the other person’s name out. You’d never say “Me is going to the meeting with Bob” or “Bob is coming to the meeting with I”!

4. Passed and past

Past has loads of meanings; passed is only the past tense of pass.
Examples: “My house is just past the garage”, “we passed my house on the way”, “that was in the past”, “it’s almost half past five”, “he passed the ball past the goalkeeper”, “I want to run the report past him first”
How to remember?
Use passed when you’re talking about someone doing something. Use past for just about everything else!

5. Which and that

Use that when you are talking about a particular object. Use which when it’s just a bit of extra information.
Examples: “The house that has a green door is up for sale.” (Meaning that it’s not any old house up for sale, only the one with the green door) “The house, which has a green door, is up for sale.” (Meaning the house is up for sale and it just happens to have a green door)
How to remember?
Sorry, no magic tip for remembering this one. You just need to know that that determines what you’re talking about whereas which isn’t really important.

Who achieves most in the end?

It’s a perfectly pleasant Sunday afternoon (or rather it was when I started this blog post) in June and my husband is sitting up in bed listening to Radio 4 on BBC iPlayer. During the week, he had caught various snatches of ‘Music and the Brain’ with Robert Winston (or at least that’s what I think it’s called) and had been determined to listen to the whole series on Sunday. The Whole Series on Sunday.

So that’s what he’s doing. Just sitting up in bed on a Sunday afternoon for two hours listening to the radio.

Why do men (and I make no apologises for generalising here) find it so easy to do one thing (or even nothing at all) for so long while women feel compelled to use their time “wisely”?

If it were me listening to Robert Winston’s ‘Music and the Brain’, it would be on in the background as I transferred an overgrown perennial to the back of the flower bed, prepared dinner, kept an eye on the washing, tidied out the cutlery drawer, cleaned the front of the kitchen cabinets and ‘listened’ to my daughter on the phone.

Isn’t that the beauty of radio? Unlike TV, it doesn’t take up your full attention? You can “do stuff” as the omnibus edition of The Archers lilts away unobtrusively in the background.

Why then is he just sitting there listening? Listening, I ask you.

Of course, I know why. He feels no guilt in listening. He is enjoying listening. And he is actually listening. Listening and learning.

There will be a quiz night at some point in the future when he will know what four bars of music inspired some obscure author to rise out of his depression and write some slightly less obscure novel that was turned into the year’s biggest cinema box office success. Equally, he’ll know all the lyrics to a song that despite my hearing over 100 times can never remember more than the last line of the chorus. And he’ll be able to follow the plot of a really complicated film – and won’t even get annoyed when I repeatedly ask “what’s happening”.

More to the point, he will eventually return to his own music, do some more work on a song or recording he started earlier and maybe even put some of his newly acquired ‘Music and the Brain’ knowledge to good use.

I, on the other hand, will still have several more perennials to move, dinner will have created another pile of washing up and that blog post I’d promised myself I’d definitely write today will be just another fleeting and distant thought.

Or will it?

Where can I buy a 500 watt lightbulb?

I am sitting at my desk with an overhead light (fitted with four 50 watt halogen spotlights) and a desk lamp (with one of those 60-watt-equivalent, low-energy, honestly-you-will-get-used-to-it lightbulbs) and I'm still struggling to see.

Okay, I admit that my eyes are 'not as good as they used to be' and that I am wearing my glasses more often these days and that my computer screen is not the world's largest... However, I am absolutely certain (and I don't think I am alone here) that if we could still buy those classic, bayonet fitting, 100 watt, hang from the ceiling lightbulbs, we'd all be able to see a whole lot better!

I mean, I'm all for energy saving (especially when it leads to money saving) and 'mood' lighting (when I want to delude myself that my skin still has some natural collagen left in it) but come on, I would like to be able to take up the hem of my trousers without stabbing myself every few minutes or using three feet of cotton because it takes me ten minutes to thread the needle. There should be some some sort of EU legislation that says that the eye of a needle must be at least three times the dimension of a piece of thread!

Ooh, I sound so middle-aged. My 25 year-old-daughter doesn't seem to have any problems reading shampoo instructions or coping with the instructions at the self-service checkout. But if we're all going to live until we are 90, then those clever scientists/designers/entrepreneurs/gadget people are going to have to start catering for ageing eyes. Ageing eyes with DISPOSABLE INCOME.

My generation is going to be the first ever DEMANDING OAPs. We are not going to be content to sit in the corner with a paper hat and a glass of sherry at Christmas. We are not going to leave everything to the children and downsize into a two-bed bungalow. And we are most certainly not going to 'go gentle into that good night'. We are going to 'rage, rage against the dying of the light'! (Apologies to DT.)

So I repeat, does anyone know where I can buy a 500 watt lightbulb? Oh go on then, a low energy but just as bright 500 watt lightbulb?

Is it really only just over a month since Christmas?

Is it me or is January actually the longest month of the year - by a long shot!

Now don't get me wrong, as the rest of the year flies by in a torrent of 'we really must do lunch' and 'good God I can't believe it's Friday already' I actually don't mind January moving at a more realistic pace. I just wonder why.

It is, of course, a 31-day month, but so is March, May, July, August, October and December and none of those seem to drag on and on and on. And yes, it is dark for most of it, but there again so is December.

I suspect (and I don't think I am alone in this) it's because it's the month after Christmas. The month in which most of it have less than no money because we got paid ridiculously early in December and spent ridiculous amounts of money thereafter. The month in which the low after the Christmas high is so low that even a three-year-old on red Smarties and Coke can barely be bothered having a tantrum in Asda.

To make matters worse, I have no less than seven family members with birthdays in January, including my own dearest husband. Who, I ask you, has the energy and imagination to even think about another batch of presents for one's spouse, let alone afford to buy them! Couldn't there be a law against birthdays in January? Shouldn't all January births be forced to be registered in February?

So it is with gladdened heart that I welcome February into my life. Already, it's early evening before the sun starts to go down, little bulbs are poking their heads out of the frozen earth in my raised beds and friends are emerging from their nests muttering words of dinner parties, theatre visits and even Sunday afternoon walks.

Yes, now that February is here the world is a brighter, happier more optimistic place. One colleague at work the other day stated that it was less than 11 months to Christmas 2011. "Gosh, it will be on us in no time," I responded most heartedly. And I meant it.

I'm alive

Phew! It's still September. I've made it.

I've been trying to write a new blog for ages... well since my last one at the beginning of August actually. But I've also been trying to get my website live and that has kind of taken over. Let me just repeat that MY WEBSITE HAS TAKEN OVER.

Now that might not sound like much of a feat since there are literally billions of websites on the internet. But to a professional copywriter, having one's one own website is like a plumber with non-dripping taps, a landscape gardener with a patio and a mechanic with at least one car that actually starts in the morning.

So... having succeeded in this mammoth task, I am now the proud host of www.forrest-turner.co.uk, a website dedicated to me and my work. Yes, yes, it's terribly self-indulgent but it is kind of necessary these days - especially if one's title is Content Editor.

Of course, being online means I need to do all that clever Search Engine Optimisation stuff or the whole thing will be a total waste of time. I need to make content so the nosy little web spiders find my site and send googlers searching for a 'writer' or 'writing training courses' will find my site in the top seven and not seven billion searches.

Wonder how long it will be before anyone finds this little missive?